i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
