Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm bleeding and have questions
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