Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you had me at cake vodka
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
