If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
