home. puking in laundry basket.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
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This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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