I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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