Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
