How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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