Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i think i just lost a toe
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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