im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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