May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
