Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize