Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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