Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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