he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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