She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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