I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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