youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You left your phone here
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