Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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