I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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