So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
