yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
