I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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