I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize