we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
