Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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