Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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