Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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