belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
