I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
