i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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