Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
