My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
