one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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