11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
