Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm passing your future prison.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My vagina is officially offended.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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