Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
