this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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