He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
