I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
