i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
