The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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