in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
