Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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