We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
