yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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