dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's Friday. Sex?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
