just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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