She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
