Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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