I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
