i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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