My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
