yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
