It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
