So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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