would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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