He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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