my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
