Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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