it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
