Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
