no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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