what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
pray to the hookup gods
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
