he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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