if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
