Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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