I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
